Since Seattle weather: “Like many newcomers [to the medical field], I had the ambition to help others and society. Those dreams were quickly dashed when I discovered a field of underappreciated, overworked and underpaid workers. I was bullied and harassed. My mental health gradually took a toll, until my suicide attempt last year.

I was physically assaulted by a senior colleague at my former workplace. This was the breaking point for me. My psychiatrist got me a short leave and I took advantage of the organization’s employee assistance program. Meanwhile, despite an investigation into the incident, the colleague who assaulted me was cleared and retained his position and title. I wondered if I had made a mistake entering health care and if the incident was my fault.

In the fall of 2021, I woke up with a panic attack. A cloud of dark despair and loss descended. I wasn’t thinking clearly. I started taking pills. I wanted to die because I wanted relief.

In the middle of my attempt, my cat Mia came into my room. I could see the curiosity in her eyes, as a part of me reminded me that I needed to clean her litter box, setting off a chain of thoughts that kept me going: Who would take care of Mia? Who would take care of my aging mother? What would killing me do to him? To my family, my friends?

I pulled over and called 911. It was a tough three days in the hospital. But I’m lucky; I survived.

The day I was discharged from the hospital, a head nurse at the clinic called me. She didn’t ask me how I was. Instead, she launched into a policy tirade, telling me that I would need a detailed note from the doctors who treated me for my hospital stay to be approved by Human Resources. I was in no condition to go back to the hospital and ask them to fill out paperwork. Through tears, I quit. I felt disillusioned and abandoned.

. . . Nearly a third of healthcare workers worry about consequences or retaliation if they seek mental health assistance from their employer. Many physicians fear seeking mental health treatment because disclosing it can be a barrier to obtaining a license.

And therein lies the problem: despite an industry’s attempts to take care of its own, the exhausting environment too often remains. America has shown weakness in caring for the general public, as well as the working people who have dedicated their time, energy, and lives to keeping our society healthy.

. . . America is experiencing a mental health crisis, amidst all the other challenges our society faces. Those who are trained and dedicated to caring for people with mental health issues succumb to the crisis themselves. The workforce is shrinking, making mental health care even more inaccessible. The situation must change, quickly.

If health care continues on its current path, a far greater tragedy awaits. I hope that is not the case.

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